In Search of Male Friends: Why are Real Male Friendships Non-Existent?

Adebayo Adeniran
3 min readJul 10, 2022

Questions on my mind….

Helena Lopes via Unsplash

Last week, I received the unwanted diagnosis of an enlarged prostate.

Given the history of prostate cancer in the family, the panic alarms went off immediately in my head: what if this leads to something much more serious? What about my older brothers, how are they? Are they in touch with their numbers?

It didn’t matter that my PSA was as low as it gets (0.3) nor did it matter that my internal organs are functioning optimally; the hypochondriac in me had begun to dream up a billion scenarios.

But what was extraordinary about this episode was that I didn’t talk to my siblings or my mother about this, despite our very strong bonds, it was my closest friend with whom I chose to share the news.

Why?

Because of the simple fact that I can talk to him about almost anything.

And this brings me to the very basis of the article: real male friendships or the very lack of them.

Over the course of the last week, I read these interesting articles in two of Britain’s leading newspapers about the crippling difficulty that most men have in forming real friendships.

And the truth is, this is no word of lie.

I have several acquaintances, but very few friends.

There have been times that I have been in dire straits but I had very few people that I could reach out to for help and support.

And this unfortunately is the case for far too many men.

At this time of the year, It is not unusual to walk into any pub in the United Kingdom and see great numbers of men huddling together, clutching a pint, bantering and laughing heartily.

For all non-Brits reading this article, bantering is where men engage in a verbal exchange, usually laced with jokes and lots of put downs. There’s nothing as British as engaging in banter.

But the tragedy here is that a great number of these friendships are quite superficial; usually down to the fact that they work in the same space. These friendships usually dissolve in the event of a dismissal or a change in circumstances.

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Adebayo Adeniran

A lifelong bibliophile, who seeks to unleash his energy on as many subjects as possible